Justice is a dish best served with a side of STFU: Sanjay Dutt - Behind bars or Above the law?

This whole Sanjay Dutt thing is getting out of hand. Contrary to logic, sense, the rule of law and all things noble, the media, celebrities and in fact the public-at-large as per my diagnosis has gone bonkers. Reluctantly, I am forced to exercise my brain at this wee hour to present to you a point by point dissection of why everyone is SO wrong.

Disclaimer: The following post contains a healthy dose of the contempt I have in my heart for:
a) People
b) Bollywood
c) Sensationalism
d) The media
e) The media
f) The media
If you are faint of heart or rather faint of brain and / or cannot comprehend or appreciate sarcasm, I strongly advise that you don't read this post, or my blog, ever. Seriously.


Now here are some statements I have come across blurted out in his defence (and an assortment of other delectable jewels of a mix of 1 part stupidity and 5 parts sensationalism):

1. "People make mistakes."
   Yes, and sometimes they have to pay for their mistakes. This is one of those times.
   
2. "He's already served time. He should be let go now."
   It's the responsibility and the discretion of the judiciary, and not the media or popular opinion, to decide on the quantum of sentencing of a person convicted of a criminal offence. I place the judicial sensibilities of a judge much higher than that of ordinary journalists and lay persons.
   
3. "He's a versatile and talented actor."
   Of course, everyone else convicted of a crime that they have committed are talentless idiots. I can juggle while whistling "Saare Jahaan se achcha...". Maybe I will use that in my defence one day.
   
4. He's been targeted because he's famous.
   This statement makes me laugh and cry at the same time. It is a favourite statement of people who, had he actually been acquitted, would have whined that he got away because he's famous.
   
5. "He's such a nice guy."
   Clearly, since the vast majority of us have had great personal interaction with him and are privy to his thoughts and feelings, we can state with authority even the subtlest facets of his personality. I think I should note this one down for my future defence too. I am sure if I am faced with defending myself in a criminal prosecution, being a 'nice guy' would make all the difference. I wonder if in jail Sanjay Dutt is signing Alice Cooper's, "No more Mr. Nice Guy."
   
6. "Something like this shouldn't happen to someone who so many people love."
   No, only people who are hated by a lot of people should be subject to the law. Public adoration should literally be a 'get out of jail free' card.
   
7. "He's reformed now."
   The above point applies here as well. In addition I would say that it's not my place to judge whether he is reformed or not, because that's a job for the court to do. And this exact matter would have been considered by the judge in the assessing whether he should be given probation or not. I do think however that it's worth of noting that at the end of the day his job is to act, i.e. stage performance. So hypothetically speaking, if he is indeed unreformed, it would not be too arduous a task for him to mask that whilst in the public eye.
   
8. "The bollywood industry thinks that the court sentence is too harsh."
   The day that I start giving two shits about what the bollywood industry thinks is the day that I will myself purchase a gun - not to support terrorists, but to shoot myself in the head. (btw this is a solution I advocate to others too).
   Postscript: People in Bollywood think? I wouldn't have thought so considering that most of their movies are terrible rehashes (and allegedly plagiarised copies) of other movies?
9. "Other people are getting away with committing bigger crimes than he has."
   While this may be a true and sad state of affairs in our country, or actually, much of this world, it doesn't exonerate him of his crimes.
   
10. We should petition the President of India to get him out.
    (Let's not even get into the controversies surrounding the President). We should petition God for some good sense and restraint before making dumb comments instead.

Now, I have no personal grudge against the guy. He may not be my favourite actor, but he is far from being my most hated. If in the course of the appellate process his sentence is reduced as per due proceudre, I have no issues. But if he is let go because of public sentiment and misplaced activism, I think it would be a travesty and an insult to law-abiding citizens and the legal process.

By the way, not that this has to do specifically with Sanjay Dutt, but there is an excellent movie made on the Bombay blasts called 'Black Friday.' I highly recommend this movie if you haven't seen it yet. Despite the grim topic, it is very entertaining.

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Aishwarya Rai Sucks

World, here's my exposé on why she is so damn annoying.

Aishwarya Rai sucks because:

1. She cannot act. What she does is an insult to acting - and my evidence is Dhoom 2, which is perhaps the single most heinous movie ever made in Bollywood.
2. Really, she is not that hot - as is evidenced above. Sure she was Miss World, but that doesn't prove anything except that she was willing to degrade herself to participating in a stupid and shallow 'contest.' She is not the 'world's most beautiful woman' - not even close.
3. I am tired of seeing her in the news - whether is praying at some temple, her being manglik (whatever that means) or her wedding to Abhishek Bachchan (who probably didn't bother to shave for the wedding) - I. Don't. Care. It's not news. It's bullshit.
4. She did a bang-up job 'representing' India on the Oprah show... and by "bang-up" I mean "abominable."
5. She has the fashion sense of a blind & deaf dog dying a slow death from rabies.
6. Her apparent 'hotness' gets her serious roles like that of Kiranjit Ahluwalia in the Movie 'Provoked' even though she can't act, and really is not suitable for the role. Here's the real Kiranjit Ahluwalia - would you cast Aishwarya Rai to play her?

(Kiranjit Ahluwalia - has nothing in common with Aishwarya Rai)

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Bollywood, Plagiarism and Piracy: Time to step off the High Horse and Feed It.

This is a preview of some brilliant work being done by a few guys in Mumbai on how much and how blatantly bollywood copies movies from other countries' movies. It's really sad that they get away with it, and a mystery why they haven't been sued into the stone age.

On the other hand, bollywood gets very uptight and righteous when it comes to piracy. I especially find amusing their ad where they say "You wouldn't steal a car, you wouldn't steal a dvd from a store, then why do you steal a movie?" .... so we should stop downloading and thereby stop piracy. It's a pity that they don't listen to their own advice. Or perhaps, I should say it's a pity that the audience here remains uninformed and buys into their bullshit.

My advice: What bollywood needs to do is to:

1. Stop bitching about piracy.
2. Stop whining about not being internationally recognized (at the Oscars, Cannes etc.)
3. Stop gloating about how apparently bollywood makes the most number of movies in the world.
4. Change the system of a handful of 'stars' acting in each and every goddamn movie, and start hiring new talent.
   
5. Start putting more effort w.r.t. creativity.
   
6. Start getting their act together and stop acting like the greedy, untalented, unsophisticated amateurs that they currently show themselves to be.

btw: the movie is called "Four Step Plan" and I am starting to wonder whether they will ever release it, and if so, whether it would come on TV or not.

p.s. Personally the movie I hate most on account of unoriginality is "Phir Hera Pheri." I hate it on two accounts - it not only is an atrocious sequel to a really funny movie (Hera Pheri) but is a scene for scene copy of "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels."

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